Here's the third in this series of unseen video snippets, where I share some bitesize pieces of information on the subject of narcissism. The paperback version of my critically acclaimed book Rethinking Narcissism, with updated material and resources, is out on July 5th, so if this subject interests you subscribe below to receive updates as we countdown to the release!
"As a couple's therapist, what we want to do is we want to spot that and we want to say stop, wait, what's going on? Right now you're talking about her job and her job search and how she might be overreaching. Is there something coming up for you? What's it like for you emotionally right now at this conversation? I can imagine this might be a difficult time for you. What's happening in your own life? Can you help me out here? Tell me what's going on for you inside."
"You're constantly guiding the person back to their own personal experience. That is the work; that is the work of change. If somebody who is narcissistic can do that, essentially what you're doing is you're teaching them to be securely attached, to the extent that they can securely attach to a partner, they don't need to turn to feeling special anymore because what secure attachment is about is about feeling special to someone, not special for them. Where I know I can turn to my husband. I know I can turn to my wife and I can tell her I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now, I don't really know what I'm going to do next. That's really a scary place for me to be, instead of: are you sure that's the right job for you? That's the switch you want to make."